Monday, July 25, 2011

All By Myself

The ladies in my neighborhood have taken to a regular evening walk at 7 p.m. It isn't always the same people but there is usually 5 or so. Sometimes less, sometimes more. I am often not home when these walks begin or just getting home, but truthfully that is not why I haven't joined it. And believe it or not, laziness is not the reason either. One of my favorite neightbors and I just had the following text chat:

Favorite Neighbor: You need to start walking with us. :)
Me: Nah. :) haha! I am not that sociable.
Favorite Neighbor: Whatever.
Me: Lol! Seriously. That's just too big a crowd. I walked last night at the track {in town}.
Favorite Neighbor: I like it. It keeps me motivated.
Me: It's at the end of my day when I need to wind down. I just can't do that with all those people. You know I'm 40 now... getting old and set in my ways. I do love you & {other favorite neighbor} though for asking. I just don't want to go with the whole neighborhood.
Favorite Neighbor: :) I understand. Just as long as you know you are wanted.
Me: Trust me, i don't feel left out :)

Now, I often wait for the walkers to pass before I go out of the house, because I don't want them to think a) that my feelings or hurt or that I think I wasn't invited. Like the kid that sits on the porch waiting for someone to ask him to play. Or b) I don't want to have to make up a lie that is more polite than the truth that my favorite neighbors accept, but others might see as snobbish.

A teen recently posted on Facebook how she feels so sorry for people she sees eating in restaurants by themselves and feels like she should go sit with them. I am one of those people. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I want them to leave me the hell alone with my food, my thoughts and if I am really lucky my book or magazine. Quite simply, I like me. I like my company. There are times when I want to be around others, but just as many when I don't. I treasure my time to myself. I work around people. I live with people. I usually have someone in the car with me, Heck, I even sleep with someone's heavy ass arm thrown over me. So if I get time to be with just me, I treasure it like gold!

Granted, I do need motivation to exercise and therefore, will walk with one or two people. Generally, close friends so we can have time to talk without the interruption of children or husbands. We can look like crap and talk crap without having to be "on" or polite to those who don't know us as well. I have often said, I don't want new friends. I have said it as a joke, but now that I am 40, I see truth in it. It's not that I want to be unfriendly but I want to be me. The energy to be anything else has passed. Some understand that, some don't. I've got about 40 good years left... not long enough to explain it to those who don't.

So maybe I am a bit of a snob. Maybe I am not as friendly these days, but so what.... "I'm still a Rock Star! I got my rock moves..." Sorry. I find myself bursting out with a good P!nk lyric more often these days. Which is much better than Celine Dion. "All by myself... don't wanna be all by myself". What's wrong with her? Nothing wrong with being all by yourself, if you like yourself. So go pile your booty up in a restaurant by yourself and enjoy yourself with yourself. Marilyn Monroe once said "I restore myself when I am alone." I believe that is what you have to do to be around others sometimes. Who knew a dumb blonde was so wise. But I leave you with words from the the wisest advice giver of all; "It is far better to be alone, than wish you were." -Ann Landers.