Friday, April 26, 2013

Not that I need to explain myself, but...

Several years ago I created a Twitter account to follow along with the "behind the scenes" news on some of my favorite shows and follow some of my favorite artist.  In the past year or so as Twitter has become more popular and my friends have gotten accounts I have had more personal interactions.  Some of my friends children whom I am close to, realized it was my account and followed me and recently I have had a few more of my children's peers follow.  My account does not have my picture or my name, not because it is anonymous but just simply because I wanted to.  Twitter can be a place for very "off the cuff" remarks as opposed to Facebook, in my opinion.  And I can be a very "off the cuff" kind of girl.  Anyway, back to my point... because I am not private anyone can see it and until today it had a link to my blog. 

I created this blog several years ago at the prompting of some girlfriends.  My blog is quite simply the way we talk when we get together and the way we talk when we get together has made for some sincerely fun, honest and endearing friendships.  On the rare occasion I do blog, it is because something has triggered a thought and for those of you who have read the posts I can have some wayward thoughts.  I am an adult.  I am married.  I am over 40.  Here's a shocker for you....  I have sex.  My friends have sex.  We talk about sex... and that has made some of us very good at sex, so I hear.  I am sure some of you are like where in the heck is this coming from. Well, someone sent me a twitter post that they thought could be about me.  It said "If you're a mom and you blog about sexual activity, you might wanna reconsider all the shit talking you do about others."  It could be about me since there have been 33 new page views just today.  Now I don't know this person and she doesn't know me because if she did she would know that I don't "wanna" reconsider anything.  The assumed "shit talking" I do, I can only assume are my "off the cuff" twitter opinions. I call it as I see it.  And if you have proven yourself to be someone I don't care for by hurting someone I do, then I probably have an opinion. I don't follow people I don't like, I really don't fool with people I don't like.  Again, if you have read my entire blog, you would learn quite a bit about me and why I feel the way I do about many things.  I am who I am.  I make no apologies for that.

There are many thoughts I keep to myself (believe it or not) for the sake of a loved one.  If I had no restraints on me, I could really provide you with some interesting creeping material.  My restraints are self imposed because of the people I love that's why my stories never have any names not because I am hiding anything.  As I have said, through the years of learning about myself... "the ones I love and care about and who love and care about me get my effort.  Life is too short to waste that effort on the ones who don't." 

So, to that creeping young lady, you are still a child.  If you are lucky, you will have many years to grow up, learn about yourself and what you want out of life.  It won't happen in your teens, and probably not in your twenties, but it will happen.  Those friendships you think you have now, will be good memories but only a few, if you're lucky, will last you through marriage, becoming a parent, raising children, losing a parent and all the trials and joys that life will bring you.  If you are really lucky you will grow into a person who believes in herself and loves herself.  Maybe you will find a way to accept yourself, flaws and all. If you are wise, you will learn from your mistakes.  If not, you will always make them, you will always blame others and you will never be happy with yourself.  Either way people will always be "shit talking" because speaking from experience, it's always easier to fix others than it is yourself.  Good Luck to you! Bygones :)

Monday, March 11, 2013

Stop. Think. Breathe.

Once a week I get an email from a site that tells you how often your blog has been viewed in the past week.  I never check it.  I have so many emails, and such a long to do list, that I never get around to checking that email or much less, this blog.  For some reason I did today and I cannot believe it has been a year since my last post.  I could lie and say I have had some traumatic family crisis or a major health scare but the fact is, I've just been living life at its hurried pace and haven't taken the time to stop and write.

Stop.  Think.  Breathe. We may do this for a second when we are running late for something and suddenly can't find our keys, or cannot remember what we did with the vital information we needed.  We find it and then we are off again.  I have found a comfort in this pace of life because it doesn't give you time to realize you've gained THAT much weight, or that your children are THAT much closer to adulthood.  You don't want to slow down and realize your parents are aging and that soon you may be caring for them and taking on the parenting role for them.  When I slow down, I think.  When I think, I realize the things I need to remove from my life, but don't want to.  I wonder how I am going to pay for college for my soon to be senior, or a car for my nearly new driver.  I slow down enough to want to put the brakes on and go back in time; back to when my children's tears were because one stole the others toy or locked the other out of a room... things I could make better instantly.  Unlike the tears of a broken heart, or the fear of what the future holds, or the loss of a grandparent, which are tears only time can dry.

In a few days I will be heading to the beach with a friend, our daughters and a few of their friends.  The last time my friend and I went to the beach together we were 18 and 19 years old.  We didn't have anyone to be responsible for but ourselves and we looked damn good in bikinis.  Now we are struggling to find a "tankini" we can live with and worrying about feeding six teenage girls and keeping them safe.  Time marches on... across our faces, our bodies and our wallets.  I never stopped to think about being where I am in life and although I realize we need to stop, think and breathe, life is going to keep happening.  There will be more gray hairs, more wrinkles, more flab, more tears and fortunately, more happiness still to come, I guess the only reason to stop, think & breathe is to take in all in.  Appreciate the moments that got us here.  Look back, but smile.  All that brought us all this; it made us who we are and I don't know about you but who I am is pretty freaking fabulous.