Once a week I get an email from a site that tells you how often your blog has been viewed in the past week. I never check it. I have so many emails, and such a long to do list, that I never get around to checking that email or much less, this blog. For some reason I did today and I cannot believe it has been a year since my last post. I could lie and say I have had some traumatic family crisis or a major health scare but the fact is, I've just been living life at its hurried pace and haven't taken the time to stop and write.
Stop. Think. Breathe. We may do this for a second when we are running late for something and suddenly can't find our keys, or cannot remember what we did with the vital information we needed. We find it and then we are off again. I have found a comfort in this pace of life because it doesn't give you time to realize you've gained THAT much weight, or that your children are THAT much closer to adulthood. You don't want to slow down and realize your parents are aging and that soon you may be caring for them and taking on the parenting role for them. When I slow down, I think. When I think, I realize the things I need to remove from my life, but don't want to. I wonder how I am going to pay for college for my soon to be senior, or a car for my nearly new driver. I slow down enough to want to put the brakes on and go back in time; back to when my children's tears were because one stole the others toy or locked the other out of a room... things I could make better instantly. Unlike the tears of a broken heart, or the fear of what the future holds, or the loss of a grandparent, which are tears only time can dry.
In a few days I will be heading to the beach with a friend, our daughters and a few of their friends. The last time my friend and I went to the beach together we were 18 and 19 years old. We didn't have anyone to be responsible for but ourselves and we looked damn good in bikinis. Now we are struggling to find a "tankini" we can live with and worrying about feeding six teenage girls and keeping them safe. Time marches on... across our faces, our bodies and our wallets. I never stopped to think about being where I am in life and although I realize we need to stop, think and breathe, life is going to keep happening. There will be more gray hairs, more wrinkles, more flab, more tears and fortunately, more happiness still to come, I guess the only reason to stop, think & breathe is to take in all in. Appreciate the moments that got us here. Look back, but smile. All that brought us all this; it made us who we are and I don't know about you but who I am is pretty freaking fabulous.