Ten years ago I found my 20’s coming to an end and I freaked. I made appointments with my ophthalmologist, gynecologist, dermatologist and cosmetologist. I thought I was about to be old and life, as I knew it was coming to an end. And well, it was. I just didn’t know it was going to get even better. I can’t sum up the 30’s in one blog post so I hope you are ready to chime in and keep reading.
I can only speak for myself but my 20’s were spent trying to be the perfect little wife and mommy in my Sam & Libby flats, jumpers and big ‘ol hair bows. I was trying to be what I thought most of the women I looked up to were. I didn’t notice their struggles, their flaws and more importantly who they really were. I saw their perfectly decorated homes, their “Junior’s Mom” baseball t-shirts, their crafty little gifts for teachers and their Godly way of reaching out to the younger generations. Of course, while I was admiring them and trying to appear to have it altogether, I was hiding beer or wine coolers in the bottom of the grocery cart in case I ran into “church folk”. Of course, this is just an example of me caring more about others perceptions of me because I didn’t know just who “me” was yet.
Today I walked out of the grocery store with milk and cereal in one hand and Bud Light in the other. Today I am not ashamed that I like to have a drink or three every now and then. I know what I believe now and how it lines up with my beliefs as a Christian. I know “me”. I like “me” and have been given many opportunities in my 30’s to learn just who I am and what I think. I am still learning the best ways to express both those things, but one thing is for sure, I am not ashamed of either. That is a gift of the 30’s.
The wonderful, fabulous 30’s; when I was my skinniest and close to my fattest; when I was loved and hated by the same people so often I learned how sparingly trust should be gifted. I got tattooed, throwing up drunk and carelessly sang and danced in front of strangers. I discovered sometimes moods need meds. I watched my mother leave this life for the heavenly one she longed for. I lost two of the best friends of my life, as they died way too young, and several others from my childhood. I buried the last of my grandparents. I changed careers, communities, churches and hair colors. My babies grew from toddlers to teens and have loved me more than they’ve hated me. My marriage was a rollercoaster at times, and at others a wonderful ride on the lazy river.
I lived. I laughed. I loved. I learned.
So far in my 30’s I have had the greatest sex of my life! I have with great pleasure, told more than one bitch exactly what I thought of them. I’ve bitten my tongue when I needed to. I have faced fears. I have tried funky foods. I have danced in the rain. I have skinny-dipped. I have finally done enough damage to my skin that I got a tan! I’ve accomplished a dream and I’ve walked away from it. I’ve learned to apologize, to forgive and to walk away. I’ve learned to not even waste my time. I’ve fought. I’ve won and I’ve lost.
C.S. Lewis said “Thirty was so strange for me. I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult.” The thirties have been strange, but strangely beautiful. No matter how many tears I have shed thus far in my 30’s the laughter; love and lessons were worth every single one of them. One of the most important lessons has been what a gift sleep is. I will embrace that gift and share more on this defining decade later. In the meantime, I would love to read your feelings on being 30 something… whether it’s in the future, past or present.
XOXO… You know you love me!
(So ready for Gossip Girl to come back on.)
My thirties were a very tumultuous time....a time, much like yourself, of self-discovery. I think we finally grow into our skin and learn what self-love (and loathing) is really all about! I miss my thirties, but girl, the forties are even better!!!
ReplyDeleteThe 30's were a time of discovering who I wanted to become. I was married with two kids and had a great job. My husband's work became more important than his wife and children. I was working, keeping the house, getting middle schools kids to all of their activities and trying to financially keep our head above water. I thought this could not be all there is to life. There were alot of outside influences telling me to get out and experience the world. So I began to go out with the girls and I enjoyed all of the attention I was getting. I began to think if I can just get my kids out of high school, I'm out of here. What I did not realize was God still had his hand on me and kept jogging my conscience. Like you I am not one who can whole back for long. So one night I ambushed my husband and told him how unhappy and alone I was. Oh yes....that got his attention.
ReplyDeleteHe started working towards a career change and we began communicating with each other. Then he became the husband and father I knew he could be. Also I became the wife and mother he knew I could be. We have been married 41 years and it will take a lot more of praying to reach that golden anniversary.
I also did the jumpers, bows in the hair and everything that I thought was expected of me.
Now as I enter the 60's I do not worry what other people think. I dye my hair whatever color I want to try, wear and eat whatever I want to. Also I buy beer/wine without looking around to see who might be in the store. I do not care if you like me or not. I like who I am and so do my family and friends. I am strong in my belief in God and I know he loves me.
Semi-sweet and southern you are right you did not know what was going on in our lives, but I did in yours.
Yes I do love you. XOXO
Your thirties are right at the time when you begin to love yourself and you don't care if others don't. It was an age when I decided to not waste time with people who clearly don't really know me or like me, but just want to "one up" me.
ReplyDelete