Cheater, Cheater

My first real job working with male & female “grown-ups” was when I was 20 years old. I learned A LOT from those people. They didn’t know it but they tainted so many of my early images of the perfect life I believed awaited me. These are the first people who told me “all men cheat”. I argued that all men do not cheat and believe that to this day. All men don’t, but A LOT do. I remember saying “all men don’t but you saying that means you would”… and he did. We would watch as he went one way to the elevators then a few minutes later she would go another way to the elevators (or stairs and get the elevator on the floor below). We’d give them time to get to the bottom floor and then watch through a window as they would go every afternoon for yogurt. Then there were the days they would both go to the YMCA to work out… for a long time. You could also see them in her car after these workouts. I loved both these people and have never been one to judge but that was my first glimpse of an affair. Twenty years later he is still married to the same woman he was then, the female however, has long been divorced and seen her life change in ways she never would’ve imagined in the few years before I met her.

In Sex & the City 2 (spoiler alert!) Carrie & old flame, Aiden share an “unexpected” kiss. Really, who didn’t expect it? From the moment they saw each other that attraction was there. She knew she shouldn’t, but couldn’t resist meeting him for dinner to catch up. Sure it sounds innocent and we all want to believe that we can catch up with an old flame without any residual feelings but can we? Unless they have become a complete loser and sometimes even if they have. We still want to look good to them; we still want them to think “damn!”. and then we want to walk away leaving them with little more than a fantasy to hang on to. But Carrie kissed him and then ran away with immediate remorse and called all her Louboutin loving ladies together for a powwow advice session. To tell or not to tell? All the girls agreed with me… No, don’t tell. She told, Big was upset but of course came back in the end with a diamond and declarations of love and promises of a married life never to be boring. Yep, only in the movies. Would you tell? Do you fall on the side of live with the guilt yourself or put it on your partner to live with as well? Many have first hand experience and there are lots of opinions.

Without getting into a moral discussion, because we all know it is morally wrong, yet many, in fact I’d say almost every friend that I am close enough to discuss such things with has been faced with the spoken or unspoken opportunity to test the waters with a man who “is not her own”. Most women have “the other one”. The man they could’ve/would’ve been with at some point in their life had circumstances been different (you’re thinking of him now, aren’t you?). And if they don’t, they are either lying or ugly… and I tend to believe lying, because I have seen some ugly cheaters. So ugly you can’t believe one person wanted to sleep with them, much less two. Still, it may not be someone before they were married, but someone they meet after. Attraction is a chemical thing; we don’t know what attracts people to each other (sometimes to the point of WTH were they thinking?!?). It happens and sometimes you realize it too late and the thoughts have already crossed your mind. The actions are for you to decide on. We beat ourselves up about it, but not as much as other women beat us up about it. Yet it is one of those things women judge each other for instead of admitting their own fears because saying it out loud gives it life. Again, it’s not a moral discussion; it’s a discussion that is personal to many that judgments should be left out of…. in this forum anyway.

So, this is another reason for anonymity. Even with what I have said here, many will judge that I speak from personal experience. I do… my personal experiences and the personal experiences of many who have confided in me. And many who haven’t yet their stories are out there either from the lips of others or given away by themselves unknowingly. I know now, what I didn’t know in my 20’s and even early 30’s when you see a potentially hazardous situation, and temptation is definitely hazardous, to run like hell! Keep in mind here that I am not talking about a timely affair or even a sexual relationship. But the seemingly innocent situation that becomes more than you expected, even though floating in the back of your mind the whole time. Don’t play with that fire because you will get burned. And when you do, do you tell? Not asking for advice here because I know my answer. I just like to hear others. Be honest, if you dare. Have you ever found yourself in that “oh crap” moment? Did you run? Did you run too late? Whom did you confide in? And again, to confess or not?